A boy says to a girl, "So, xeS at my place?"
"Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger
brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code.
Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is
yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The younger brother says,
"Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she
earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted
to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took
them off!"
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My
wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I
went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I
entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt
so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her
apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the
bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes
later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my
colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the
sofa... naked.
A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a
virgin and I don't know anything about xeS. Can you explain it to me
first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your
private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we
do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first
time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride
giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his
side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again
says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband
yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"
A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went
to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready
to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the
store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night
the two were having xeS and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt
the urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day he went back
to the doctor who asked how it went. The man answered, "Not well. When I
fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my penis, and
my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."
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